On change and loss

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” –Gilda Radner

We all know that as the saying goes, change is the only constant and therefore we should expect the unexpected. But wow, sometimes change happens all at once. Clearly life is a cycle of ups and downs, with some flat lines in between. A small change here, a big change there. But only a matter of weeks into this new year there have already been so many changes it’s astounding!

Here they are in no particular order:

• Bought a house so now in the process of packing up
• The ownership of my beloved dojo has split: One partner leaving to go her own way, the other staying on to run the dojo solo.
• Someone close to me is diagnosed with breast cancer (thankfully, it was caught early).
• Physician of close to 30 years retires; her daughter takes over her practice
• Dental physician of over 25 years retires; young new dentist takes his place
• My winter bike finally bites the dust after 16 winters and many overhauls. Unbelievably, a new one is put together to replace it. Better and more robust.

Loss often accompanies change. In all these examples there is loss, even with the purchase of a new house: There is loss of the old house, the surrounding neighbourhood, the street. Good memories of long years spent there. The next chapter brings a fresh start, cleaning out of unused and unnecessary belongings, and starting over in a brand new setting.

The change in ownership of the dojo where I have taught and trained for the past 12 years has many ramifications. Some good, some bad, but there was initially an undeniable and profound sense of loss, and with it sadness and even anger. The feeling was not unlike how a child might feel when they learn their parents are getting a divorce. There is a grieving process that happens in which these various feelings must be acknowledged and worked through, and eventually let go. And we come out of this knowing that despite the short-term pain, there will be long-term gain, that in time, things will work out for the best.

The prognosis for the person with cancer is very promising. And thankfully the treatment should not be too onerous. There is much reason to be hopeful. Knowing that the disease was caught through mammogram testing serves as a reminder that this unpleasant process is, in fact, worth going through regularly.

The loss of the bike was significant. Having a winter bike allowed me more freedom as our household has only one car during the winter months. Most of my travels are within Barrhaven so a bike is a quick and easy, and might I add preferable, alternative to driving. And so it was a welcome surprise when my father-in-law suggested that one of our existing fleet of bikes might serve as a replacement and my husband, after initially scoffing at the idea, took it seriously and settled on his no-longer-used titanium single speed mountain bike as a viable replacement. It took considerable reworking and retooling to get my old coaster brake, fat-tire wheels, a new fork and sealed bottom bracket installed on the frame but the result was worth the trouble. And yes, somehow it fits!

I don’t know about delicious but the ambiguity is constant; we have no control over it. The only control we have is our reactions to them. So even if they don’t at first seem delicious, remember what a friend of mine often reminds me: that every adversity has within it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. 2016, I am looking forward to the many delicious benefits you have in store!